My grief

Sometimes in our lives, we all experience grief, bereavement or loss. This can be losing a dearly loved one, a pet (this can feel just as tough), friends or anybody special to you. 

We all navigate how we process grief in unique ways and personally speaking from someone that has lost a little brother at the age of 29, all my Grandparents, an extended family I adored, my best friend and countless close friends… my ability to work through such deep emotion felt a little different with each. 

I was blessed to work with Nik & Eva Speakman shortly after my brother had passed. This is why I wanted to put myself forward with some words of comfort for anyone in pain right now. Honestly, there’s always sadness when I miss people I’ve lost, but this has shifted to acceptance and appreciation for them. I still have a cry now and again, but it’s coming from a lovely place, and I believe helps a lot with healing your heart. 

Grief can feel like these 5 emotions and you’re not doing anything wrong for feeling any/all of them, nor worry about the cycles that they perhaps show up. This is normal and we are all so different in how our emotions present themselves. Please be kind to you. 

  1. Denial – The shock can be a lot to take in and many people find this aspect the most challenging to move past. 
  2. Anger – This is obvious, but so is “It’s not fair” or “Why them and now?” 
  3. Bargaining – This was a huge one for me! “Why take my brother when he was so young. I would have swapped with him” I really would and found myself dancing with this before therapy. Thank goodness The Speakmans showed me the workings of the brain and how the outcome of losing my brother was in no way my fault nor in my control on any level. He passed in his sleep during an epileptic seizure. 
  4. Depression – Feeling alone and understandably you’re not going to see them again in the way you’ve been used to.
  5. Acceptance – Talk, please. Keep that person or fur baby alive and share fond memories.

Today my little kitten of 18 years crossed over the rainbow bridge, which makes writing this right now succinct. I’m naturally devastated that she’s gone but so happy that she had a perfect life… which helps me move into the acceptance phase of grief for her. She brought SO much magic to my life, and I remember that every single day.

Pain to sadness… you CAN heal! It’s not the end and here are a few things I’d like to share in hope that they can ease your pain too.

  • Find a place that you can use to remember someone, I have a photo, poems, favourite songs, a tattoo (not recommending that one, but whatever your vibe there), I often play music they enjoyed and aim to sing along. 
  • I walk by our special places, sometimes I go in and sometimes I sit outside and thank them for being in my life. I often leave a nice note for them. I realise someone else will read this, but that makes me smile for knowing it was beautiful words with no names. The double whammy of feel good to me.
  • I light candles and say a few words. Nothing scripted or following anything/anyone, just what I feel I want to say right there and then.
  • I write to them… I really do! Saying whatever is currently on my mind, or I might even ask a question. This helps to keep them here in my world. 
  • Catch up with feel-good people and share openly about the good times! I had SO many and I can go from feeling a little sad to laughing so much it’s heartwarming through the initial heaviness of this emotion.
  • Tell people whom you love that you love them. I never hang up the phone without saying this to my loved ones, it really does tighten my bonds and helps me feel safe that I’ll always know I showed this.

Going through grief is extremely difficult, so please take good care with whatever you feel helps you through the process. If it’s taking you longer than one year to feel as if you’re nearing acceptance vs pain, please seek out someone to counsel you through this. There’s always fantastic support out there to hold you through this. I pinky promise.

We will all experience this, so trust that you’re never on your own with the pain of grief and it only takes a few words with someone you trust to share the emotion towards acceptance. 

Holding your hand through this my friend… you’ll be ok.

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